How do you get it right?
by bring me a dream
Summary: A short drabble based around the events of 'orignal song.'


_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?_  
_When all that you touch tumbles down?_  
_'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things_  
_I just wanna fix it somehow_

_But how many it times will it take?_  
_How many times will it take for me…_  
_To get it right?_

Finn and Rachel.

Rachel and Finn.

It all starts with a girl trying to tap into her inner pain and not realising she only has to look to the boy sitting in front of her, telling her to stop playing it safe and to start feeling it – really feeling it in order to channel that truth.

It ends with a boy who can do nothing to escape the girl that still constantly pumps through his veins. Still makes him smile in that special way that only she can elicit from him. Still makes his insides flutter whenever she returns his smile, beaming brighter than the moon! This is the girl he can't hide from. The girl he's still head over heels in love with.

_"If you keep looking for that happy ending then you're never going to get it right." _

How does she get it right? Rachel Berry is a girl who always gets what she wants and tries damn hard to achieve it, but she still wants more. Needs more! She's won every single singing and dancing trophy that's ever existed, but it's not enough. It's never enough! No matter how hard she works at it, she can never get it right. Not with her teammates and not with the boy who still owns her heart.

She lives in a school girl fantasy? Well maybe she does, maybe she's had to in order to survive. But she knows what pain feels like and she knows what love feels like and she knows what her and Finn had was real. Far more real than any emotional attachment Quinn tries to cling onto with Finn. Every word her pen writes is slapping Quinn Fabray in the face, over and over again. All that frustration, all that pain is the emotion her song writings been searching for as it pours out onto the page. She's been playing it safe for far too long. Too scared to really deal with that inner hurt that she tries to ignore, tries to pretend it doesn't matter, because she's Rachel Berry and she'll be a star, whether that means she's the only one in the sky.

_"You don't belong here." _

And that's just it, she never felt like she belonged, because nobody ever let her (except for a freakishly tall boy with a lopsided smile that he saves only for her). Every word embodies an aspect of her life that she's constantly struggled for. Acceptance from her peers, appreciation of her talent, someone to finally understand how much she really cares. But one person does see how much she cares, does appreciate her talent and has been her number one fan since day one and he unknowingly becomes the heart of her song. The part that she so badly wants to fix. But she won't give up. She won't fall in defeat. She won't let that ex-Cherrio take away the only thing that did feel right.

_"It's not over between us." _

As she steps out onto her stage, staring into the fog of faces primed and waiting to be attacked by her words, she only cares about one face watching her and the emptiness hits her – he's not there. The boy she so desperately wants her words to affect, because they're for him just as much as they're for anyone else. She told him to listen carefully; that she means every single word and she _needs_ him to hear every last one of them. But she takes a deep breath and carries on, because her song is about _her_, not him. It's _for_ him, but not about him. This is her moment. Her chance to finally live her dream. This is her song for everyone who couldn't see her struggling. And she finally understands Finn's words about really 'feeling it.' She feels it! The power and emotion coursing through her veins. Her words bouncing around the auditorium. Her arm outstretched, reaching for that star. Sending out a prayer to it to help someone _see_ her, really see her and soon she'll be chosen, she'll be accepted. She'll not only feel it on stage, but it'll stay apart of her forever.

_"When you sing I can feel it."_

Every ounce of love Finn has for this girl radiates from his eyes as he watches her pour out her heart and soul into that auditorium. He's so smitten with this tiny girl, with such a HUGE talent; a talent that fills him to the point of overflowing with awe and adoration. She's his star and watching her shine so much brighter than any other star in the sky fills him with pride! She's finally being accepted - being appreciated and he helped her, he encouraged her, he believed in her when she stopped believing in herself! Everyone is finally seeing what he's been seeing all along!

_"Listen carefully, because I mean every word of it." _

Words about wanting so desperately to get things right, but always failing. Words about wanting someone to see her for who she really is. Words that express how hard she'll try - that she'll never give up - she'll never give up on him! Not only does he listen to her words, he feels them! The anguish, the frustration, the pain, the determination! He feels it all! He devours every last one of them as they each enter into his heart in the same way her voice buried itself in there all those aeon's ago and has never left since. And she can feel his presence just as much as he can feel her words burrowing deep down into his soul and setting up home there.

It makes him want to weep. Weep with joy to hear the crowd cheer for her and her words that have touched them in the same way they've touched him since the first day he met her. Weep over the fact she could ever think that she failed at anything and although he still can't find the courage within himself to forgive her, that's more his own failings then hers. He's failed her and he doesn't know how to fix it, doesn't know if he's worth the effort to let her fix it for him. And so he swallows down his emotions for fear of letting his guard down. Re-adjusts the mask that only seems to slip when he's around her. Keeps that vow to himself that he won't open his heart that wide again and let her back in, even though she's already so much a part of his soul already.

And although he can't let her in, he still can't stop watching her from afar; he can't stop smiling when he's with her. He can't stop laughing at the silly way she dances only for him and he can't stop feeling at home when he's with her. He's himself around her, he doesn't have to pretend. When she asks him to hear her song, he's there in a flash, quietly beaming in the knowledge that she took all his notes to heart. She actually listens to what he has to say and embraces his every word. He can't _be_ with her, but he can't stop being with her. He wants to celebrate with her, hug her, hold her close and forget for just those few moments that there's this hole in their hearts that can only be filled by each other.

He's trying – he's really trying. He wants to fight this pain – this cancer that's stopping him for grabbing hold of what he so desperately wants. He still doesn't know why? Why he's chosen Quinn. Why he's sat next to her when all he can do is stare across at Rachel and her talent that fills him up so much that he can't think or see straight half the time. When she sings he can feel it! It embodies him, it touches his heart in a way nothing else has or probably ever will. But right now he's caged and he doesn't know how to find the key to set himself free.

_"Break a leg." _

It's their code. Only they know the true meaning behind those three words. They signify so much more than just "good luck." But he knows she doesn't need luck. What he really wants to tell her is that he loves her, he cares about her, he wants to keep her safe! To stop hurting her, to stop feeling this pull in his heart that's preventing him from telling her that all he wants is her, not Quinn, not prom King, not a life as a lima loser - her! But instead he can only say those three words which started all of this. "Break a leg…_I love you._" Those three words which opened the floodgates to allow them to be happy and now he's denying himself that happiness. Denying her that happiness. She's always been the girl who got everything, but the brass ring. He's always been the boy who got everything, but what he needed. He likes her song and maybe that's code as well for "I really like you – I love you." It's all about what's unsaid rather than what's spoken. The truth lays behind those brown eyes; those eyes that haven't stopped starring at the girl with the huge talent.

_"I would like to start tradition of honouring a player after every one of our competitions." _

And as he watches her accept her gold star he quietly smiles to himself, because he's so so happy for her. Finally she doesn't have to give herself a gold star - the metaphor becomes reality. And if he could he would give her a million gold stars, because she deserves them all! Maybe this is enough for her? She's finally been accepted; they finally see her for the star she truly is. She's standing in front of her peers and they're embracing her, not because of her talent, but because of who she is! She's got what she finally wanted and all he can do is look on, because he's not a part of her world anymore. He belongs with Quinn, that's what she told him and his brain's to messed up to believe otherwise.

But if he's honest with himself, he doesn't feel it when he's with the pretty blonde girl sat next to him. All this belonging to a world he feels powerless against, to an ideal! It just feels like a chain around his heart, like he's submitting rather than living that unattainable dream (although it doesn't feel all that unattainable with Rachel). She grabs his hand and he feels numb. She grabs his arm and every fibre in his being tells him to pull away. All he can do is look out of lost eyes and think about the girl who makes his heart beat erratically. And he can't help but think to himself - why can't I get it right? Why can't he listen to his damaged heart screaming through his veins to run in the other direction towards the tiny girl with the huge talent.

But he forgets, it's easier if you forget. Forget about the scars, forget about all those questions that make his brain hurt and his heart weep. This is Rachel's moment. She deserves this moment and he'll never understand how important his role was for her to reach that moment. He doesn't see his importance in anything. To him she's the star and he'll always be the boy who watches her shine. He'll never understand that she only wants to shine for him. He'll never understand how brightly he shines in her deep brown eyes. He'll never feel like he can ever shine again as long as he remains in that cage. The cage that a certain young blonde wants to keep him in. And soon he'll forget how to shine all together, unless he lets himself be saved.

Saved by Rachel Berry.

The girl he loves.

The girl who shines brighter than anyone.

Well at least to Finn Hudson.


End file.
